There is an insidious slimy black-hearted evil here in the Philippines . It is grounded in ignorance, jealousy and prejudice.
I came to the Philippines with two dreams. I wanted to live a better life and to write a book. I did not come here to be a DOM (Dirty Old Man). In fact I found old foreigners taking advantage of young sweet poor Filipinas particularly repugnant. To me it was a form of prostitution. A relationship built on individual needs and mutual deception. It was a facade of lies and pretence. I have an almost childish belief that love and relationships should be “real”. They should be grounded in truth.
Without truth there is no honesty
Without honesty there is no trust
Without trust there is no love
Without love there is NOTHING
Not all Filipina / Foreigner relationships are fake or ugly. I personally know of several of these “May-December” relationships that are true romantic treasures. Two people from different cultures and different generations who have managed to find each other amid the chaos and pain of this world. Two people who genuinely love each other. But sadly some of these DOM relationships are not real but merely a hollow empty sad “business” deal. I was determined not to be a part of that ugliness.
I had searched all my life for “real” love. I wanted to find the other half of my soul. Enjoy the bliss of “never having to say you are sorry” because the one you love “knows” you would never hurt her on purpose. I fell in love with a young Filipina. She eventually fell in love with me. For a brief period we were very happy. I wrote about that joy many times in this column. I wrote of the pride and respect I have for this Filipina flower. My heart soared with the promise of the great adventures we would share. Her compassion and love were limitless. She wanted to help her own people. Not just her family but friends and neighbors. There are 32 students we alone are putting through school. Our lives were productive and filled with love. Then the evil came.
Like most Filipinos she is VERY sensitive. Each day she had to sit silently as her fellow Silliman students spewed forth the dirtiest foulest attacks against young women in DOM relationships. They called them whores, prostitutes and gold diggers. These students never met these people but they somehow “knew” that they could not possibly be in love. Even some of the faculty vomited this same malicious ignorance and prejudice. They made it clear they had "no respect" for people in these relationships. The ugliness of these people's souls was so palpable it became a part of her daily student life. She was forced to hide our relationship in shame. She had to invent lies to hide something beautiful and good; something she should be able to shout to the world. She loved me and I loved her. But this beautiful truth would have destroy her. The other students would have shunned her. Whispered ugly things behind her back. It might even have affect her grades and prevented her being able to graduate. This secret began to tear us apart. The constant pounding eventually drove her from my arms.
There is no scripture against this kind of relationship. There are no laws against it. Yet these small minded people have made themselves judge and executioner. They, with their ignorance and prejudice, destroy and hurt others; people they do not know.
The scripture says, “Judge not ; less yee be judged”. One day all of those bigoted people will face the “real" judge and answer for the pain and ugliness they have inflicted. I pray God has more compassion and understanding with them than they have shown us.
It is too late for me and the lady who once loved me. She was not strong enough to stand up to the vile names and stigma heaped upon her. The other day a fellow student saw her with me. She ran in a panic away from me so the "shameful" secret of our love would not be discovered. She has now given up her academic dreams. She has thrown away the promise of a better life we could have had together. I am sorry my Beh, I could not protect you, take away the pain. I failed you.
These cowards only mutter their vile words in Visayan because they know better than to rile my wrath. They pick on the innocent, the vulnerable because they have not the courage to face me.
If she really was a “gold digger”; she never would have quit. She was just a sweet simple young girl who’s only crime was to fall in love with the wrong man. Where ever you are dear, one last time, “Mahal Kita Walang Iba”.